she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
