I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Randomize
