Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
