remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
