Three words: puerto rican gang bang
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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