i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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