she sounds like chewbacca in bed
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
