can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I still have a little drunk in my system
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize
