I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
