apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
