I think my vagina is haunted
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
