if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
