Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
