we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
