I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
