My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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