she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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