So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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