hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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