I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
