Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
