so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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