I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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