Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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