Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
