Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
