Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
