I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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