some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
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