Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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