I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
