This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
