he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
