Pregnant stripper...not hot.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
