Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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