apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
