just tell him i said nine months
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
