It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
