Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
