i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
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