Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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