12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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