sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
