What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
