How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
