im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I have tasted many bathrooms
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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