I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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