Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
