i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
40s are totally the cure
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Randomize
