Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
