Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize