Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
