I'm going to jail i love you
Someone shit on the floor
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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