I feel like abortions should bother me more
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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